just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
