What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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