Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A+ Viking dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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