Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
