I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
