I wish I could teleport
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
