I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
