and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
