He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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