If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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