She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
