you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
