Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
