I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
