Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
