'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
