Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
