Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
