Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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