yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
