Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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