My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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