I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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