I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
