then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
