im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
porn star boner night. come get it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
