I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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