Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
