people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
