fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
