So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
