do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize