There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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