How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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