Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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