You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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