This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
