it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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