Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
