In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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