was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
