I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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