i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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