you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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