I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
