gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
