dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
