everyone is single if you try hard enough
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
