You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
