Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
