dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
